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Stephen A. Grossman
Stephen A. Grossman of Stone Ridge, New York, and formerly of Sag Harbor, died on January 15. He was 83.
He was admired, respected and well-liked by colleagues as well as adversaries and beloved by his friends, community, and most of all by his family.
He was a mensch, a good man in every way, his family said. His love was in his daily actions: from his multiple trips every day to the grocery store to find the perfect melon for his wife, Laura Anker, to the smiles he spread at the bagel shop and the bank, and willingness to use his understanding of the law to help anyone in need.
As Peter Parcher, his close friend and long-time colleague recalled, “Steve Grossman was the real deal as a lawyer. He was a lawyer’s lawyer. When we were public defenders, we cared about justice. Steve never changed. It was a natural thing for him, it was who he was as a person.”
Born on May 7, 1941, to Charles and Rose Grossman, he grew up in The Five Towns of Long Island with a keen sense of justice and a passion for public service, which would shape his career and life. After graduating from Colgate University in 1962 with a B.A. and earning his J.D. from New York University School of Law in 1965, he began his lifelong commitment to law and advocacy. His career took him to Minnesota for many years, to China briefly, and then back home to New York. He moved to Sag Harbor and founded the law firm of Stephen A. Grossman & Associates, where he practiced until his retirement in 2019. After retirement in 2020, he and his wife moved to Stone Ridge, in the Hudson Valley, where he continued to use his decades of experience in law to help people in his new community with legal assistance.
Stephen Grossman the lawyer cannot be separated from Stephen Grossman the character. Fondly thought of as the “Mayor of Sag Harbor,” he was everywhere on the East End and knew everyone. From the cooks and busboys at The Palm Restaurant to cashiers and the lunch crowd at Provisions Health Food, he spread smiles. In his signature hat and bowtie, he could not walk 10 feet down Main Street without delivering paperwork to a client, or stopping into a local shop to buy his wife a gift.
He was a bachelor well into his 40s. He met his future wife at a beach party at Mecox Beach in Bridgehampton in 1984. Two short years later, he was suddenly a husband and step-father to three children ranging from just out of diapers to full-blown teenager. He not only met this challenge, but embraced his new family with joy and all of his love. Overnight, he transformed himself from unencumbered bachelor to proud parent and husband. With his wife commuting two hours each way to Old Westbury nearly every day, he embraced the daily rigors and joys of school dropoff and pickup, after-school sports and extracurriculars, homework, detention, and dinner for five.
With the birth of his first grandchild, Mizel, he zealously assisted in Lamaze and child-rearing classes. He enthusiastically read the parenting books and educated himself in myriad childcare techniques and philosophies. At age 59, he experienced childbirth for the first time as his daughter demanded that only “The Rookies” — herself, Mizel’s father, Dade, and Stephen Grossman — be allowed in the delivery room.
He was an avid fan of the beach, the opera, and the Hampton Classic. He enjoyed guys night out, smoking cigars, a good old fashioned, and his dinner club. He was the only person who could convince his wife to get on a plane, bringing her first to St. Martin, then Jamaica, New Orleans and more. As much as he loved his wife, he had no problem telling her that “his Red Sox” were mightier than “her Mets.” His passion for sports was shared with their children and grandchildren.
He never had trouble speaking truth to power and standing up for what he believed in, even when it was to his personal detriment. He is remembered for his unwavering commitment to justice, his caring and generous nature, and his ability to make a lasting impact on everyone he met. In his community on the East End, he stood beside many clients who needed a helping hand, even when others would not. He was a man who loved deeply, worked tirelessly, and left an indelible mark on the lives of his family, colleagues, and community, his family said.
He is survived by his wife, Laura Anker; three children, Joshua, Rebecca, and Shanna; son-in-law Rob; daughter-in-law Katie; and grandchildren Mizel, Judah, Levi, Walter, and JoJo.
Services were held on January 19 in Rosedale, New York.
Staff Writer on Jan 20, 2025