The Fred Dialogues - 27 East

Letters

Southampton Press / Opinion / Letters / 2291965
Sep 23, 2024

The Fred Dialogues

Fred Trump: What is it now?

Donald Trump: Don’t talk to me like that — I’m the president of the United States.

F: No you’re not, you’re the ex-president. And I’ll talk to you any way I want. I’m your father.

D: No you’re not, you’re my ex-father.

F: Meaning?

D: Meaning you’re dead.

F: (Pauses) Okay, not bad. Score one for Donny. So whaddaya want?

D. They tried to kill me again. On the golf course this time.

F: Well, they knew where to find you.

D: Second time this year. I’ll get mileage out of this.

F: Actually, I’m surprised someone hasn’t taken a shot at you before this year.

D: Thanks. So, did you watch it?

F: Watch what?

D: The debate, for God’s sake!

F: You mean with the Black woman — what’s her name? Yeah, I tuned in for a while.

D: So?

F: You don’t wanna know.

D: Yeah I do.

F: Dogs and cats? Really, Donny? What the hell? I don’t even know if your MAGA morons will buy that one.

D: Vance heard about it, more than once.

F: Vance, right. The Bearded Weirdo. He’s a train wreck — you should have picked Rubio, or Cruz.

D: Couldn’t trust those guys.

F: How many times have I told you, you can’t trust anyone? What about Burgum? Why not him?

D: An unknown from the middle of nowhere? Come on!

F: Kama-what’shername did fine with that. Coach Walz is selling big.

D: We’ll get him yet.

F: Don’t wait too long. And what’s with this nut Loomer woman? She’s killing you. You think she’s hot or something?

D: (Shrugs and smiles.)

F: You never learn.

D: Anyway, I say I won that debate.

F: Sure, say that, but we both know you got trashed. She slapped you down and ate you up.

D: No!

F: Yes! It’s the same as ever, same with the business, same with your wives, same with your court cases, you’re a los- …

D: No, Daddy, don’t use that word, please! Please don’t call me that!

F: Okay, I won’t, but you’re in deep dirt. A Black woman took you out, for God’s sake! We wouldn’t even rent to her back in the day!

D: So what do I do now?

F: I don’t know — your game, kid.

D: Right. Later, Daddy.

George Lynch

Quiogue

Lynch is communications chair for the Southampton Democratic Committee — Ed.